Excuses. 

That’s what kills every great dream, every great invention that was to be. I’ve been trying for quite a while to get back to writing and I really can’t find a plausible reason as to why I haven’t logged in in a long while. However if you’re interested I have a really long list of really sad excuses. Which reminds me. I believe that somewhere in my earlier years, I had this invisible ruler that divided the bad stuff and the right stuff to do. My moral compass. And things were always black and white. Everything was always so easy. Present me with a situation and I’d straight up tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. And then I grew up. Suddenly, it became difficult, the lines weren’t clear anymore, the lines became blurred. Things happened and I made excuses for my actions to help me cope with the consequences. It’s all so confusing. What’s worse is a situation is never real until it happens to you. What you would do given a theoretical challenge is more often than not the complete opposite of you would do if it actually happened. Why is it that when these things happen to us, we finally see them in a different light? In a world that is so liberal, how do you differentiate between open mindedness and the wrong stuff? Until I know how to tackle this, I just feel like I’m walking in this never ending greyscale. I can do anything I want as long as I can find a flimsy excuse for my actions. But this leaves me feeling really sad. This tweet comes close to what I feel because of this situation: “When I was a kid I wanted to grow into a Disney princess, instead I think I turned out to be one of those evil Disney witches!”. They tell me the solution is to take a stand for something so that I don’t fall for everything, but how would I know? I’ve never been here before.


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